President Obama Awards Silver Star to Flag Posthumously

On September 18, 2012 in the Punjab Province of Pakistan, a United States flag bravely stood against a sea of some 10,000 protesters and defended the name of the United States of America when in it’s last breathe took out an Anti-American protester. For these actions, President Obama awarded the flag the Silver Star during a posthumous ceremony in the South Lawn today.

There was not a single dry eye in attendance when the official citation was read. The citation detailed the events of the day and expressed the tremendous heroism expressed by the flag despite facing the tumultuous crowd.

“In the flags last moments,” read the citation, “he valiantly and defiantly stood up and expressed American freedom when he ripped the air out of the protester’s lungs.”

During the ceremony, President Obama claimed, “I personally sent that flag to Pakistan and I ordered the flag to take out the protester after careful discussion with my strat team – score one for the good guys, now lets all go grab a beer!”