Congress to Army, “Airborne is too Dangerous!”

Last year, more than 2,500 lost duty days were reported throughout the Army due to accidents and injuries as a result of airborne operations and training according to a recently published study. This has prompted serious discussions of ceasing all airborne operations.

The scathing report suggesting the disbanding of all airborne operations was released by a Congressional oversight panel that has been tasked with searching for ways to save money throughout the Department of Defense. Accidents, according to the report, account for nearly 20% of the annual DoD budget – a number many find unacceptable and unsustainable. Congressional Aide Mark Tupper remarked, “we can not justify continuing to fund a virtually antiquated form of warfare when it is simply no longer required for a tactical advantage.”

Tupper also called on the fact that there have been around a dozen or so combat jumps since WWII despite several conflicts in the past 60 years as evidence towards the lack of tactical significance.

We asked 82nd Airborne Commanding General, MG James L. Huggins, what his reaction is to the possible loss of his division’s namesake, Huggins told our reporters, “you tell that little shit that if he wants to see tactical advantage to come see me – I’ll show him tactical advantage and he will understand what a sore 4th point of contact really means.”

Mr. Tupper, it seems you have a date with the good General.

We will keep you abreast with future updates to this still breaking story.